I been asked about why I came back to do this PhD several times since I am back. Well, I really cannot give a definite answer, although I have been doing it for the past three weeks. Honestly, I still not quite sure that did I already adjusted myself into this sort of new goal or I am still immersed in the joy of coming back to Britain.
I know that sometimes the feeling towards something needs time to accumulate and be actualized, but I do not know is this the case. On the other hand, I wonder is that I afraid to reflect on this issue, fear to discover the answer will be that I am just try to escape from something that I should take responsible for. It is always about choice, including this time. However, it is not about should I choose the one looks easy and simple or the one people scarcely pick. Instead, I just do not know which one is which in all the options available to me at the moment of decision making. Well, THAT, does change the whole story, doesn’t it?
It was a difficult time for me, the past eleven months, in a sense it does, if you think of parents’ attitude towards their children ‘trying’ things. I cannot say I made a ‘right’ or ‘correct’ decision, or maybe there was never one when it is about your life.
So far, I could only say that there are many elements interweaved with each other and eventually reached the point that made me choose to be here, again. And as the discourse theorists always like to say, all of them are entangled in a way that you could not expel or extract any them. The analysis has to be contextual and relational.
Instead of dealing the problem right away, am I just postpone it anyway? I do wonder.
留言列表
On the Stage (2)
