Dream as if You will Live Forever, Live as if You will Die Tomorrow

There are so many happy things to write, but I suppose it is the absolutely shitty feeling actually compel a person to write.

Read a bit. Still writing, still confused. Continue to search anything Scandinavian, and listen to a Danish radio.

Finished another Harold Pinter's short play collection, and found myself surprisingly enjoy it than his other works. Also, unexpectedly read an American writer's, Thomas Wolfe, little book about 'The Story of a Novel'. It speaks my heart, that thin book, very much.

"Can't you just be unhappy?" Maja said to Christoffer during their journey in Prague.

Yes, why can't I? When the happiness can only be faked.

Another meeting, another turn. I am partially reliefed, yet partially burdened than ever. I feel tired, tormented, exhuasted and wondering whether the light is fading out. I stopped crying, but I could not stop feeling like drowning and have to constantly told myself to breath normally. Everytime I think about it, I still feel like I am short of breath and almost going to vomit. It is getting more and more difficult (with life).

I think, it is just proves what I have been fear all along. The only flaw is, it took me alomst three years to come to that version of reality. In a way, I suppose I am reliefed, to finally confirm it (from a third person) and face it.

No, I am not fine, but I will be.

指導老師寄信來了，哭哭。論文草稿草到天邊去，而八月中就要提交completion申請，繼續哭哭。

在無法keep calm and carry on、無限輪迴地陷入自我厭惡之際，那至少要看些賞心悅目的東西...你就脫了吧，大叔（指）～（進入變態模式）

怎麼說呢？又到了幾近暴走的時刻。

(因為最近對〝踊る大捜査線〞的愛的大爆發，所以決定於本篇放送室井さん的照片。啊啊，帥氣的三件式西裝的警視廳官僚～)

(私心地就是想要放張Mr. Cumberbatch的圖片。另，原來他在Almeida Theatre演過戲啊～)

I been asked about why I came back to do this PhD several times since I am back. Well, I really cannot give a definite answer, although I have been doing it for the past three weeks. Honestly, I still not quite sure that did I already adjusted myself into this sort of new goal or I am still immersed in the joy of coming back to Britain.

I know that sometimes the feeling towards something needs time to accumulate and be actualized, but I do not know is this the case. On the other hand, I wonder is that I afraid to reflect on this issue, fear to discover the answer will be that I am just try to escape from something that I should take responsible for. It is always about choice, including this time. However, it is not about should I choose the one looks easy and simple or the one people scarcely pick. Instead, I just do not know which one is which in all the options available to me at the moment of decision making. Well, THAT, does change the whole story, doesn’t it?