Dream as if You will Live Forever, Live as if You will Die Tomorrow

"Can't you just be unhappy?" Maja said to Christoffer during their journey in Prague.

Yes, why can't I? When the happiness can only be faked.

十分、非常意外地，竟然讓我在昨天買到了開賣當天變銷售一空的'Doctor Who 50th-anniversary Prom'的票！這是怎麼回事呢？！我本來早已抱持著不可能買到票、只好當天很哀怨地去排個三、四小時的隊，看看有沒有幸排到promming的票。只是，內心那微小薄弱、以為只是再次證明自己不可能買到票的部分，驅使了我再度造訪Royal Albert Hall的網站。點進去BBC Prom 2013的專屬網頁時，我還以為我眼睛花了，因為14 July的場次竟然顯示'Buy Ticket'的按鍵！？WTF！！！當然，激動的我點進去後，卻如何也進不了選位系統、自然也不可能有任何更進一步的動作。試了好幾次後，我終於放棄，想說那大概是對買不到票的我的某種戲弄吧！當天監考完早已疲憊愛睏的我，後來決定去睡個午覺，這場意外事件也就暫時擱到一旁了。

當我被窗外的車聲、與室友的聲響吵醒時，已經是下午五點多。遲緩地爬下床的我，帶著不抱任何確鑿期望的心情，再次刷新RAH的prom頁面。令我幾近窒息地，是13 July的場次竟然出現了早先描述過的景象，頓時我全身熱血沸騰。激動地點入該場次的購票網頁，我不可置信地看到頁面竟然正常載入選位系統、而更令我振奮的，是真的有空位釋出啊（仰天吶喊）！媽的，在經歷售票當天網路等待號碼為五千多號、在不到三個小時內兩場Doctor Who Prom皆賣空之後，我竟然在如此意外的情況下有這般機會，光是能點入它的購票頁面就已經讓我全身顫抖了啊～

Another meeting, another turn. I am partially reliefed, yet partially burdened than ever. I feel tired, tormented, exhuasted and wondering whether the light is fading out. I stopped crying, but I could not stop feeling like drowning and have to constantly told myself to breath normally. Everytime I think about it, I still feel like I am short of breath and almost going to vomit. It is getting more and more difficult (with life).

I think, it is just proves what I have been fear all along. The only flaw is, it took me alomst three years to come to that version of reality. In a way, I suppose I am reliefed, to finally confirm it (from a third person) and face it.

No, I am not fine, but I will be.

因為看過了真人演出，所以我好奇地去找了Harold Pinter的'Betrayal'原著來讀。小小一本，沒花多久就看完了。我不知道究竟先看完原著、對故事有個大略了解再去看演出比較好，或者是the other way around would be better.對我來說，藝術作品的詮釋（自我的或他者的）是個永遠難解的謎題。總之，目前我還是抱持前者的態度。說要刻意去讀某個著名作者，多多少少也是想要表現某種文化素養的優越感吧！但我的確是想要再去多找找Pinter的其他作品來看看，雖然我對Betrayal並無太大的感想，not really that impressed. But certainly, it is a interesting reading. Well, it always feel interesting to read the script while recalling what you see from the performance.

指導老師寄信來了，哭哭。論文草稿草到天邊去，而八月中就要提交completion申請，繼續哭哭。

在無法keep calm and carry on、無限輪迴地陷入自我厭惡之際，那至少要看些賞心悅目的東西...你就脫了吧，大叔（指）～（進入變態模式）