Dream as if You will Live Forever, Live as if You will Die Tomorrow

I been asked about why I came back to do this PhD several times since I am back. Well, I really cannot give a definite answer, although I have been doing it for the past three weeks. Honestly, I still not quite sure that did I already adjusted myself into this sort of new goal or I am still immersed in the joy of coming back to Britain.

I know that sometimes the feeling towards something needs time to accumulate and be actualized, but I do not know is this the case. On the other hand, I wonder is that I afraid to reflect on this issue, fear to discover the answer will be that I am just try to escape from something that I should take responsible for. It is always about choice, including this time. However, it is not about should I choose the one looks easy and simple or the one people scarcely pick. Instead, I just do not know which one is which in all the options available to me at the moment of decision making. Well, THAT, does change the whole story, doesn’t it?

I have been here nearly three weeks since I arrived at the UK . The strange-but-familiar feeling has almost gone away. I settled in very easily, back to the old streets and campus, just again, live in a different-but-familiar place, got a pair of lovely flatmates. Of course there is some new stuff that I need to get used to with, but none of them really causing any big issues, well, apart from you-know-that, namely, studying. It is so difficult to handling both studying for courses and for thesis at the same time; I am still struggling to find the balance between them, and fingers crossed that I could figure this out as soon as possible.

Back to an old place is a good thing in the sense that I can be much relaxed and push myself into trying other things. I know I am probably acting (very) different in here and back to my hometown. If truth be told, I somehow felt more liberated and relaxing in this place aboard. Maybe, I think, because Britain generally is relatively new to me and I am still in the honeymoon period with it.

在親戚家亂轉電視台時，偶然發現某一頻道正在播出此片。雖然聽過此片，但近來電影似乎不再如往常那般吸引我，西洋片都已如此，更不用說韓國片了。本片上映時，我有在ptt的版上讀過幾篇文章，但裡頭人物沒有一個像李準基在【王的男人】中那般嫵媚扮像，所以我倒也沒太過關注。不過，既然轉到了，就順勢看了起來。但是，那晚沒機會看完。回家後便急急地上網站尋找，沒想到我一向倚賴的兩個網站竟然尚未引進本片，最後是在土豆網找到。

我對韓劇一向不熟，更罔論韓星，所以電影裡頭的演員，我一個也不認識。但那不是重點orz

不知道為什麼，前幾天突然很想看谷崎潤一郎(Junichiro Tanizaki)的書，想念他獨特的文章風格（或者，林水福的譯筆？）、也想念起當初在復文書店看完他的痴人之愛的情形。我已經忘記，當初是因為先看了痴人之愛、受到他的文筆和故事內容震懾的影響，才開始看他的書，亦或是先看了其他本著作，才會看那本書。我唯一隱約記得的，是看到谷崎理所當然般地、以直白又婉約的筆法描繪禁忌與不倫，既意外了我、又吸引著我。算算，前前後後我也接連看了他的好幾本書：春琴抄、貓與庄造與兩個女人、鍵、卍，以及剛提到的痴人之愛（大都是林水福的譯本，那麼，我究竟是為誰的文筆而看呢？笑。）。這樣看來，谷崎潤一郎大概是我在偵探推理小說之外作品看得最多的文學作家吧！

'Old Bones' by Misha Collins

這個早晨

'Old Bones' by Misha Collins